If every single US president went on a fist fight against each other, who would win?

Question

Iris · Answer

Trump would win, because he would tell us that any other news is fake and to listen to him. His supporters would believe him, the Republican Party would take his word for it, and the media would fall for it, hook, line, and sinker.
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I’d put my actual money on Lincoln.
Washington would be on the floor looking for his wooden teeth, Andrew Jackson would be checking out the pretty reporters on the sidelines, distracted by black people and wondering “How in the world did THAT happen?” Taft would try to hide in a bathtub….but we know how that story ends. Andrew Johnson would be walking around in a daze saying, “I can’t believe those bastards tried it.”
Buchanan would be distracted by reporters using terms like “down low” and “in the closet”. Willian Henry Harrison would wonder if his month counted, while Tyler would scream to the heavens “it was no accident!” Grant would be trying to salvage his reputation, and asking what a 12 step program is.
As far as those ACTUALLY FIGHTING, I know Lincoln would have Buchanan and Pierce in a headlock for not doing more to solve that one issue he would always be remembered for….what to do with his hat. Arthur would be scheming in a corner as to who to sucker punch before he gets it in the face by Woodrow Wilson.
Don’t ask me why. I just see Wilson pulling something like that off.
Truman would try his best to land a few, but Eisenhower would just sit on him. I’d like to think that the Chicago in Obama would have him out there landing a few here and there as he tried to remain pretty diplomatic. I think he and Kennedy would do a tag team and fuck Reagan up. Clinton would be in a corner wrestling with an alligator. No one knows where the alligator came from or why.
Teddy Roosevelt would stagger around and bare his chest again and dare someone to try something like that again. Everyone avoids Teddy. He eyes the alligator that Clinton is wrestling and claims he’s got next. Nixon would be talking big, but from a corner. He’s a bit upset about those documentaries CNN keeps running about him. Ford would be in the mix, throwing punches here and there before accidentally hitting Carter in the face. The elder Bush would be gunning for Clinton but he’s a bit occupied, while the younger would be convincing the reporters that it’s all over. Mission Accomplished. For the alligator. Garfield would want a word with Grover Cleveland in another corner. He’d want to know how Cleveland got two non-consecutive terms because he was “robbed”. Zachary Taylor would be in a chair with a fan, avoiding the snack table. We all know what happened when he “overindulged”.
Trump wouldn’t be present but he’d insist he was there. Everyone would want a piece of him. Again, Lincoln would win the fight, being the cool character that he was under pressure, being a great wrestler, and a great man. I’d also put money on FDR. Don’t underestimate a man in a wheelchair. I know a little something about it.

Reese · Answer

I am assuming you mean at the time that they were president? Not in their peak years.
No chancers:
Madison, Benjamin Harrison, Van Buren, all too small. Fillmore, too indecisive. William Henry Harrison, cannot breathe enough due to pneumonia. Taft, McKinley, Cleveland all too overweight. FDR, wheelchair bound. Reagan, Trump, both too old.
Long shots:
Grant, a fighter but also a heavy drinker. Eisenhower and Ford, fit but well past their primes. Taylor and Truman, both tough old buzzards. The young pups JFK and Obama both kept fit and had stamina but were not known as fighters.
Contenders:
Jackson, winner of the “tough old buzzard“ category. Washington, muscular and had a temper. Lincoln, tall and rangy. Teddy Roosevelt, fitness nut.
All four of these guys knew how to get into and out of scraps. They could take punishment as well as dish it out which sets them apart from the others. You can make a decent case for any of them. Personally, I think Lincoln takes out Jackson in one semi-final and Washington is just too strong for Teddy in the other.
I say Washington goes the distance against Lincoln 2 times out of 3.

Arianna · Answer

My bet would be Honest Abe-before being in the political circuit boxed many times and I think he may have only lost once. Lots of those matches were best characterized as a street brawl. He also has a rather odd structure to try and attack.

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Eva · Answer

The two toughest physical presidents were Abe Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt! Lincoln was given a ax at age 8! And did extreme physical labor by age of 12 he was 6 ft 2 and 120 pounds of muscle, he is in the wrestling hall of fame ( not Fake stuff) because that’s how frontiers men settled things. He won like 90 bouts and lost or drew one! It was for who was going to be the winner got to be the officer in Illinois militia. Lincon described his opponent ‘ as strong as Russian bear’Even in his 50’s he could extend a ax and hold it between his finger and thumb on both sides of his body! Teddy had a ju jit su expert from Japan at the White House as well as a heavy weight contender named Frank Moran who went the distance with Jack Johnson and Jess Williard! He boxed and wrestled with them daily he was a tough guy as well as a crack shot!

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Melanie · Answer

Assuming that these Presidents were at the age they were at the end of their tenure as President, I would have to say that my money would be on Theodore Roosevelt.
While both JFK and Ulysses Grant were of reasonably similar age, Grant had an alcohol problem and JFK had a back problem so bad he today would be considered borderline disabled. Roosevelt was famously athletic, and in either a one-on-one match, or a melée, I believe he would be the winner.

Samantha · Answer

Teddy Roosevelt was a boxer at Harvard. Obama was extremely fit. Jackson would be good in a scrap. Ford was a rugged man. Any of those characters would rise to the top.

Adalyn · Answer

Theodore Roosevelt or George Washington. Period. They were both tough as nails combat veterans. Although one had a weird hair do, and the other big teeth and a mustache that had it’s own rank. I’m just getting a visual here.
I see Jimmy Carter begging everyone to be peaceful, Bill Clinton running while yelling “I didn’t know she was your wife!”. Thomas Jefferson going apeshit with a quill. Theodore Roosevelt with a baseball bat hitting grand slams. George Washington bayoneting Taft over and over, but still not getting through enough fat to hit any vital organs. I see John Adams and John Quincy Adams arguing over bed time for junior. I see Lincoln looking down at the madness from above hoping nobody gives him a head butt in the crotch. Nixon and Johnson are huddled under a desk with their mystery Tag Team partner J. Edgar Hoover trying to figure out which ones are communists or Democrats . I see Regan showing up on a horse with a revolver loaded with blanks. JFK shows up intending to throw down Boston style, but instead runs off with Bill Clinton an a group of the ring girls. Eisenhower puts his Helmet on and pulls out “the map” and tries to get Patton dug up and back in Uniform. The Bushes call up Duck Cheney and try to buy the win in exchange for exclusive government contracts. And out of nowhere Don King! Well someone has to sell it. In the end Jim Buffer gets on the microphone and announces Chuck Norris as the undisputed winner. Nobody beats Chuck Norris.

Melanie · Answer

I’m just going to be honest here, the guy would probably punch those other presidents in the mouth like he punched the Spanish. He would most certainly have a very bully day in this scene.

If every single US president went on a fist fight against each other, who would win?

FYI, you probably should not pick a fight with a bull moose bare handed.

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Raelynn · Answer

The last two slugging it out (each in his physical prime of life, of course) would be Andrew Jackson and Abraham Lincoln. Jackson would have just knocked out Teddy Roosevelt in a bare knuckle fisticuff because after TR took his glasses off he was next to useless. And Lincoln would have just finished off a mean little Zachary Taylor in a nasty “rasslin” contest. Beyond that, it would be anybody’s guess who the winner would be between the first two above.
Jerry Ford and Dwight Eisenhower, when they were college athletes, would have been among the final eight, in addition to a very trim and fit Herbert Hoover (representing the Stanford University Boxing Club), and a scrappy young Ron Reagan in his life guard suit and swimmer’s body that included iron biceps and a really beautiful six pack.
The first two to sit down in order to keep from being knocked out would have been Calvin Coolidge and James Buchanan, followed by Millard Fillmore and Franklin Pierce in order to keep their noses from being broken, thus destroying their “pretty boy” faces. Harry Truman would have lasted much longer than anyone would have predicted due to his being extra mean at ankle biting once he took off his glasses, although like TR, he would have needed to be shown the ankle to bite up close before knowing when to chomp!

Allison · Answer

That sounds like a Simpsons Episode… or a whole season of MTV’s Celebrity Death Match.

Remi · Answer

President Trump. As the current President he not only commands an army that could easily do in his opponents for him barehanded if ordered… the Secret Service would be forced to kill all his opponents, leaving him as the sole survivor.

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Skylar · Answer

Assuming the Presidents are in their prime - Teddy Roosevelt.  If they are in the physical state they were at their inauguration - still Teddy Roosevelt.

Julia · Answer

If all of the US's presidents were put into a massive fist fight, who would win?  This is a fun question, so I will give a fun answer.  George Washington was an extremely big, tough man. Abe Lincoln was a good wrestler. Andrew Jackson was a stone killer. But Theodore Roosevelt, having been a boxer, would win in just this one thing. incidentally, Obama got a vote, and shouldn’t have; he is a lifelong smoker, and although he is allegedly a pretty good basketball player, I’ve seen videos of him working out with weights, and he is little girl weak. So take him off the list. Remember, this is a FUN question.

Liliana · Answer

The tall man from Illinois (I know, he was actually born in Kentucky) would be my bet. His grip and arm strength were legendary and his sheer size would be a tremendous advantage. – Abraham Lincoln.
But close runners up would be Gerald Ford and Teddy Rooseveldt. Both were fairly young, fit and quite athletic in their own right. Teddy even took a bullet and kept on speaking for an hour before getting medical attention – Theodore Roosevelt shot in Milwaukee .
“You see, it takes more than one bullet to kill a Bull Moose.”
Damn right.

Caroline · Answer

Just off the top of my head I want to say Andrew Jackson. But Washington was a big guy, and no doubt tough. Lincoln was big as well and he was an excellent wrestler.
Then, of course, there’s Trump, but those bone spurs on his feet might hinder him.

Savannah · Answer

Corpses don't engage in fist-fights. They just lie there.  Carter couldn't win a cage match with a feather.  Bubba isn't looking good, could be Kuru.  I'm not sure if frat boy Dubya is sober enough.  Obama sends others to fight his battles for him, so would have to forfeit.  I think Trump might be the only one to show up. So he's default winner no matter how many towels Hillary tosses into the ring.

Josie · Answer

Since everyone is a comedian I will answer this seriously.
Theodore Roosevelt not just because he was a combat veteran.
The main reason is this … he is the only President to:
Win
then lose
then win again
If that doesn’t say you are a fighter nothing does.

sheca · Answer

Obama. Since almost all of them are dead, and the only ones left are Trump, Bush II, Clinton, and Carter.
If you are talking about an alternate timeline, where they were each in their prime, I would go with Andrew Jackson. If the timeline was a fight where each fought at the age when they were first elected, I would go with Abraham Lincoln.
Obama is not a fighter, but he has reach and athleticism, as well as being more than a decade younger than the next youngest.
Don’t sleep on “Old Hickory”. Jackson was a courier in the Revolutionary War at age 13! He was also slashed by a British officers sword, that left a scar for the rest of his life. In his time, he fought the British (twice, technically), the Spanish, the Creek Indians and quashed rebellions. He won almost every engagement, and his men had a fierce loyalty to him. He also got into brawls, was shot in the shoulder during peacetime, and would end up with 2 bullets still in his body when he finally died. A tactician, fighter, statesman, frontiersman, general, and President, I think he in his prime whips everyone else in their own.
Lastly, Abraham Lincoln was only 52 when he was elected President, and his size and strength are still legend. At 52, he whips most other presidents, that tended to be much older before they were elected. He would have over ten years on Andrew Jackson, and Andrew wasn’t in good health by the time he took office.
Theodore Roosevelt is a personal hero of mine, and I am really sorry I can’t pick him the winner in any of these timelines. But I think he finishes up 3rd or fourth in either timeline.

Luna · Answer

The one who was most known as a fighter and was also one of the largest was Lincoln. He had an incredible reach. Washington might have also been a bit of a fighter. Taft was huge and strong as an ox. Andrew Jackson was relatively mean, but he was a touch smaller and relatively old by the time he became president.
I would put my money on Lincoln, unless Taft could somehow Butterbean him.
For those who don’t remember Butterbean, here is a video of him decimating some people. His career ended when he met an actual highly skilled boxer, former heavyweight champion Larry Holmes, who schooled him. Taft was about the size and build of Butterbean, but taller.

Eden · Answer

A useless but fun exercise. Teddy Roosevelt would be a contender, Obama would be the most agile (age), Lincoln would have the reach, Ike would take a punch. Frank Roosevelt, Kennedy, Harding had medical issues. Clinton would scrap, Grant had a drinking problem but knew tactics. Bush 2 is sneaky – definitely could be a contender.
Let’s say Ike and Clinton are the last 2 standing with Ike the favorite based on training, tactics, and experience.

If every single US president went on a fist fight against each other, who would win?

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